You’ll never be mine, as much as I want to, as badly as I want to change the situation or the way things are, I can’t. The truth is, we will never be more than friends.
When I first met you, you instantly caught my eye. Even though you were in a rush, I noticed you from afar. I thought you were cute, but a little childish. It didn’t really occur to me that you’d be anything more than that, because you were the kind of guy that was hard to get close to. But time is funny, and sometimes a little bit mischievous. There would be candid moments where I’d find myself talking to you, we would talk about you, your family, your niece who you told me you love so much. I found out how much of an easy-going guy you are and how good you are to your friends. And I would tell you things about myself, what it’s like growing up with over-protective parents and my dreams and aspirations. I was really happy then, because I got the chance to be your friend, I had a reason to talk to you everyday.
I’ll never forget the night I had my first heart-to-heart conversation with you, I didn’t expect that you would open up. You talked about your ex and how much you love her. I could see in your eyes, that you still had so much feelings for her. You talked of her so fondly and proudly boasted of her to me; that she’s smart, ambitious and beautiful. But soon, your fond memories of her turned into tears. You started to tear up and buried your face in your hands. “Nakakahiya”, you said. I didn’t know what to do, I wanted to comfort you and tell you that you did’t deserve being hurt. You deserve someone who makes you happy, but I just told you that it will be okay.
I couldn’t understand how any girl could hurt a guy like you, when I was standing right in front of you, ready to give you the world.
I think that was the moment I realized that what I felt is more than admiration, that maybe my so-called “crush” for you, is growing deeper. Soon after, we became busy, I tried chatting with you often but I guess you had better things to do. Sometimes you’d joke, you’d treat me a meal because you still owe me the backstory of you and your ex. The truth is, I don’t really want to hear about her, but I’d do anything to spend time with you. What we had, it was nothing consistent, the truth is, I don’t even know if my feelings for you was obvious. But I hope you could tell that I was trying to be a good friend.
Sometimes I pray, that maybe, in another life, or in another circumstance, I could be the one that makes you happy. I could visit your family and see your niece that you talk so fondly off. I could go to all the restaurants you said you’d bring me to but are too far away for me to visit, I could be the one to make your heart flutter, and I could be the one you can tell your friends about. Maybe if we met in another time, I could tell you all the things I feel for you.
Sana ako nalang yung ipinagmalaki mo, isinigaw ng puso mo, pinagmayabang mo sa mundo. There are times where I feel like, I would give anything to be that girl, but then reality strikes, and I realize, it’s too much of a dream.
You know what’s funny? You’re right there, but you’ll never be mine. You open up to me, and I share stories to you, but you’ll never really know what’s in my heart. Because it’s you that’s in it, it’s been you for a long time now. But I will forever be just “a friend”. Who am I to ask to be yours right? You are the guy that is in-love with his ex, and I’m the girl in a relationship she’s already unsure about. There is one thing I’m sure of though, you’ll never be mine.
But even if it hurts, it’s alright. Because even if I can’t call you mine, I can still keep you in my heart.
*This letter was sent in to PageOne.ph as an open letter entry, names have been changed for the sender’s privacy and protection, while certain portions of the letter were edited by our writers for publishing purposes.